i don't know why i keep letting little shit eat at me. i can't stand it. the fact that graham was such a shitty fucking friend and the fact that he beat the shit out of me and the fact that i flinch at everything because of him and the reason i'm so god damn down on myself and i don't even fucking know. and the fact that i pretty much abandoned everything in western mass, even though it's what i really needed, is not sitting well with me. I legitimately dropped everything and started over. I'll be damned if i go back, and i don't plan on it, but i guess it's all catching up with me. I like it out here a lot. I love living with jerry, and hanging out with everyone around here, but a part of me is still in northampton.
i miss jonny. not the jonny i know now, who is an asshole like graham, but the jonny i used to be best friends with. the jonny i used to drive 2 hours to hang out with. the jonny i could talk to. i hate when shit like that happens. i don't think he understands how he changed. i remember him saying something like "I hope you're not trading me in for a new toy" but its no longer fun to hang out with someone when they all they do is constantly make fun of you, and put you down. Its so fucking tiring. the fact that it all just changed so suddenly, i don't know. i can't get over it just yet. i miss my best friend.
i think the fact that im lacking nicotine, i'm broke, and very tired has an affect on my mood, but i'm just so bummed right now, and i hate it. i don't like being upset. i wish i had someone to talk to.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
some shit
i can't stand to hold these feelings
can't find the words that hold the meaning
won't ever have the balls to speak
i'm pretty fucking weak.
to keep it simple, i complicate
i turn results into mistakes
i'll never find the guts to share
so i lie and say that I don't care.
you're right, i'm wrong
i'll move on
i'll get over it
and let you win again.
i'm such a fucking pussy.
can't find the words that hold the meaning
won't ever have the balls to speak
i'm pretty fucking weak.
to keep it simple, i complicate
i turn results into mistakes
i'll never find the guts to share
so i lie and say that I don't care.
you're right, i'm wrong
i'll move on
i'll get over it
and let you win again.
i'm such a fucking pussy.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Epiiiiiiic
I have to say, this weekend fucking ruled. Saturday, jerry, jenn and these dudes joe and xander drove to Allston for a show at 115 franklin. Oh man was it insane. First two bands nothing really happened, but once sound system ( op ivy tribute band ) came on, that basement went nuts. There were so many fucking people. Everyone (including myself) was drunk. Brunt of it also ruled, as well as Boston jolly pirates. Got smoked up multiple times. Drove home in a snow storm.
Sunday was awesome too. We drove to Quincy Adams and took the subway to Cambridge. It was snowing a lot. T sex and interrobang always rule. I don't even need to describe how sick the flaming tsunamis were. Took over 1000 photos total this weekend. And the even cooler part was that I was taking pictures on the same stage as one of the sickest photographers.
In other news, I got a job working in the deli at bobs. They have me working a lot, too, so I'll be able to start saving and have money and shit now. Sweet shit.
The Internet got shut off here, so Ive been using my phone for site checking and whatnot. I won't be able to upload pictures until I find Internet. Which sucks because I don't have a laptop anymore and itshard to use photobucket via macs. Hopefully well get it back soon.
I hate to admit it, but I need to start taking my pills again.
Sunday was awesome too. We drove to Quincy Adams and took the subway to Cambridge. It was snowing a lot. T sex and interrobang always rule. I don't even need to describe how sick the flaming tsunamis were. Took over 1000 photos total this weekend. And the even cooler part was that I was taking pictures on the same stage as one of the sickest photographers.
In other news, I got a job working in the deli at bobs. They have me working a lot, too, so I'll be able to start saving and have money and shit now. Sweet shit.
The Internet got shut off here, so Ive been using my phone for site checking and whatnot. I won't be able to upload pictures until I find Internet. Which sucks because I don't have a laptop anymore and itshard to use photobucket via macs. Hopefully well get it back soon.
I hate to admit it, but I need to start taking my pills again.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
No Sleeeeeeep
I'm kind of ashamed to admit this, but today I watched Star Wars for the first time. I'm really glad I was high though because it was so fucking epic. I only watched Episode IV, but I now understand what the hype is(was?) all about. I'm also glad that I've caught up on movies like: Step Brothers, Pineapple Express, Fight Club (the whole movie), Garden State, Wall-E, and Big Daddy. I never was one to watch movies. Always too busy because I'm out hanging with people, but now, everyone comes here, so I don't really have to go anywhere. It's pretty cool.
I'm pretty bummed that I had to resort to boring hair again for a job. I really need one though. I honestly wish hair color didn't matter when it comes to the professional world. Also, I'm pretty bummed that most jobs require a drug test. I'm so limited.
I'm really glad that weed isn't a priority anymore for me. When I was hanging out with Graham and Jonny, I felt like I HAD to buy 50+ bucks of headies weekly. I got so tired in that period of time. I mean, I love smoking, but all the time was too much. Burnout by Green Day pretty much described me. I'm glad I'm less tired now (and still getting high).
I've developed such a shitty sleeping habit, though. Both Jerry and I. We haven't gone to sleep until around 5 or 6 each day, and usually don't wake up before 2, sometimes til even 4. It's awful. I passed out on the couch at 11 tonight though, and so did he. I woke up and went to bed, but then I woke up at like 3:30 and now I can't fall back asleep. I wish I had some Nyquil or something to knock me out. I really want to be awake during the day tomorrow. I'm going to be a grown up and go "confirm" that Bob's Famous Food has gotten my application. I'd honestly really like to work there. They sell maddddd booze. And it's a nice little store with a cool deli.
Other than bad sleeping habits, I feel like I'm doing well on the "responsibility" front. I clean a lot here, seeing as I don't pay Jerry's mom rent yet. I cook too, since we ran out of frozen things to eat. Though, I'm going to have to find more ways to make pasta more interesting. I'm also considering making bread because we have none and I don't want to spend money on it hahaha. I've also discovered that I'm pretty good at pancakes. I feel like a mom lololol.
Jerry turns 21 in like 11 days. I might bake him a cake. or something. I think we're going to take the train into Boston that day and get really drunk in the process. I love taking the train, and I love Boston. It's possibly one of my favorite places. If it weren't so expensive, I would move there when I have the money. I don't feel so out of place there. In Northampton, you're either a hippie, a hipster, a struggling artist, an "alternative musician", gay, or homeless. There are a few cool people, and it's a super cool town, but even in one of the most accepting towns, I don't fit in. At least I don't feel like I do. I'm glad I'm two steps closer to where I'd like to be more often.
I'd really like to travel more. I wish I was better at making music so I could be in a band good enough to tour. I don't see the point in staying in one town for your entire life. I've met some people who have never left their hometown, or haven't moved far from it, and I just don't understand why. There's a whole world beyond your driveway. Why not go out and see it. I mean, yea, it cost money to travel, but honestly, I'd rather invest in traveling than a house to confine yourself to. I could probably live in an apartment, or condo for my whole life, just so I could have the money to travel. I've traveled a lot for being only 18, and I'm really thankful for that. I've seen some pretty damn cool places, but knowing there are so many more to see just makes me want to get in my car and go. I've seen so much of New England, it's almost getting boring. It's time to travel again.
In May, I think a bunch of us are going down to New Jersey for Bamboozle. It's very expensive, but it's going to be worth it. I've never really been to something that big. I've never been to Warped Tour (though I am seriously considering this year). I think the biggest I've been to was the Ska Is Dead tour this year. I had so much fucking fun. I've said this so many times before, and I'll probably say it a million times more, but ska is my all time favorite. It's pretty much the reason I didn't kill myself in middle school.
Sometimes I feel like a broken record.
I'm pretty bummed that I had to resort to boring hair again for a job. I really need one though. I honestly wish hair color didn't matter when it comes to the professional world. Also, I'm pretty bummed that most jobs require a drug test. I'm so limited.
I'm really glad that weed isn't a priority anymore for me. When I was hanging out with Graham and Jonny, I felt like I HAD to buy 50+ bucks of headies weekly. I got so tired in that period of time. I mean, I love smoking, but all the time was too much. Burnout by Green Day pretty much described me. I'm glad I'm less tired now (and still getting high).
I've developed such a shitty sleeping habit, though. Both Jerry and I. We haven't gone to sleep until around 5 or 6 each day, and usually don't wake up before 2, sometimes til even 4. It's awful. I passed out on the couch at 11 tonight though, and so did he. I woke up and went to bed, but then I woke up at like 3:30 and now I can't fall back asleep. I wish I had some Nyquil or something to knock me out. I really want to be awake during the day tomorrow. I'm going to be a grown up and go "confirm" that Bob's Famous Food has gotten my application. I'd honestly really like to work there. They sell maddddd booze. And it's a nice little store with a cool deli.
Other than bad sleeping habits, I feel like I'm doing well on the "responsibility" front. I clean a lot here, seeing as I don't pay Jerry's mom rent yet. I cook too, since we ran out of frozen things to eat. Though, I'm going to have to find more ways to make pasta more interesting. I'm also considering making bread because we have none and I don't want to spend money on it hahaha. I've also discovered that I'm pretty good at pancakes. I feel like a mom lololol.
Jerry turns 21 in like 11 days. I might bake him a cake. or something. I think we're going to take the train into Boston that day and get really drunk in the process. I love taking the train, and I love Boston. It's possibly one of my favorite places. If it weren't so expensive, I would move there when I have the money. I don't feel so out of place there. In Northampton, you're either a hippie, a hipster, a struggling artist, an "alternative musician", gay, or homeless. There are a few cool people, and it's a super cool town, but even in one of the most accepting towns, I don't fit in. At least I don't feel like I do. I'm glad I'm two steps closer to where I'd like to be more often.
I'd really like to travel more. I wish I was better at making music so I could be in a band good enough to tour. I don't see the point in staying in one town for your entire life. I've met some people who have never left their hometown, or haven't moved far from it, and I just don't understand why. There's a whole world beyond your driveway. Why not go out and see it. I mean, yea, it cost money to travel, but honestly, I'd rather invest in traveling than a house to confine yourself to. I could probably live in an apartment, or condo for my whole life, just so I could have the money to travel. I've traveled a lot for being only 18, and I'm really thankful for that. I've seen some pretty damn cool places, but knowing there are so many more to see just makes me want to get in my car and go. I've seen so much of New England, it's almost getting boring. It's time to travel again.
In May, I think a bunch of us are going down to New Jersey for Bamboozle. It's very expensive, but it's going to be worth it. I've never really been to something that big. I've never been to Warped Tour (though I am seriously considering this year). I think the biggest I've been to was the Ska Is Dead tour this year. I had so much fucking fun. I've said this so many times before, and I'll probably say it a million times more, but ska is my all time favorite. It's pretty much the reason I didn't kill myself in middle school.
Sometimes I feel like a broken record.
Monday, January 12, 2009
oh wow, update?
So much for regular updates. I always get distracted and forget that I have one of these. I guess a lot has gone down in the past month or so.
I'll start with Christmas. It kinda sucked. I didn't get to see much of my family at all. I was really bummed, so I just slept. I hung out with Katherine and Prezbee for a while after which was pretty cool.
I've been to quite a few shows since last blog. The weekend of the 27th was rad. I went to some awkward show where I only knew one person, and none of the bands. I also felt really old, which is not normal because I'm not old at all. Kinda creepy, but still cool, I guess. Spent the night at 115 Franklin, which was wicked awesome. I met a bunch of the people who live there. I spent most of Sunday chilling with Jake, who's wicked nice. We went to the Jolly Pirates that night. I was drunk. Then I ended up staying in Ware that night because I didn't feel like driving home. Got more drunk. Silly times.
That Monday(the 29th), I hung out with Jerry, who I met at a WATU show. He was at the Cambridge show, and I thought he was cute. I was too shy to talk to him though. Then the next day. He was at the New Bedford show. I finally got the balls to say hi. Then that tuesday, I ended up bringing him to the Allston show. We chatted a lot since. Then he asked to hang out and all I have to say is that I have been with him every single day since. He is the coolest person I have ever met. I am happy. So happy.
I've made so many new friends here. They're all wicked cool, and seem to enjoy my company. South eastern mass is rad. I don't have far to go to get to Boston or Providence. I miss friends from the west, but I like it here so much better. I need to find a job though. Money is starting to disapear. Not good. I hope I find one soon. Luckily there are free shows coming up.
This past weekend we went to two free shows. The first was in New Bedford. We saw Math The Band and Lima Reseach Society. Talk about silliness. So much fun. The next day we went to see Murphy's Law, but only stayed for Eddie and the Louvers and Asher (which was pretty cool). Mark Unseen's mohawk is freakishly perfect.
I'm really so much happier here. I have fun everyday, and I haven't been driving so much which is good for my car. I really fear that it's going to die on me, and I would be so fucked if that happened.
There are some sick shows coming up this weekend. Saturday is a show at 115 Franklin, which is always awesome. Then Sunday, TFT, Interrobang!?, Tyrannosaurus Sex and Hostage Calm are playing at the Mid East, which will rule.
okay bai
I'll start with Christmas. It kinda sucked. I didn't get to see much of my family at all. I was really bummed, so I just slept. I hung out with Katherine and Prezbee for a while after which was pretty cool.
I've been to quite a few shows since last blog. The weekend of the 27th was rad. I went to some awkward show where I only knew one person, and none of the bands. I also felt really old, which is not normal because I'm not old at all. Kinda creepy, but still cool, I guess. Spent the night at 115 Franklin, which was wicked awesome. I met a bunch of the people who live there. I spent most of Sunday chilling with Jake, who's wicked nice. We went to the Jolly Pirates that night. I was drunk. Then I ended up staying in Ware that night because I didn't feel like driving home. Got more drunk. Silly times.
That Monday(the 29th), I hung out with Jerry, who I met at a WATU show. He was at the Cambridge show, and I thought he was cute. I was too shy to talk to him though. Then the next day. He was at the New Bedford show. I finally got the balls to say hi. Then that tuesday, I ended up bringing him to the Allston show. We chatted a lot since. Then he asked to hang out and all I have to say is that I have been with him every single day since. He is the coolest person I have ever met. I am happy. So happy.
I've made so many new friends here. They're all wicked cool, and seem to enjoy my company. South eastern mass is rad. I don't have far to go to get to Boston or Providence. I miss friends from the west, but I like it here so much better. I need to find a job though. Money is starting to disapear. Not good. I hope I find one soon. Luckily there are free shows coming up.
This past weekend we went to two free shows. The first was in New Bedford. We saw Math The Band and Lima Reseach Society. Talk about silliness. So much fun. The next day we went to see Murphy's Law, but only stayed for Eddie and the Louvers and Asher (which was pretty cool). Mark Unseen's mohawk is freakishly perfect.
I'm really so much happier here. I have fun everyday, and I haven't been driving so much which is good for my car. I really fear that it's going to die on me, and I would be so fucked if that happened.
There are some sick shows coming up this weekend. Saturday is a show at 115 Franklin, which is always awesome. Then Sunday, TFT, Interrobang!?, Tyrannosaurus Sex and Hostage Calm are playing at the Mid East, which will rule.
okay bai
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