alright alright

i don't know why i keep letting little shit eat at me. i can't stand it. the fact that graham was such a shitty fucking friend and the fact that he beat the shit out of me and the fact that i flinch at everything because of him and the reason i'm so god damn down on myself and i don't even fucking know. and the fact that i pretty much abandoned everything in western mass, even though it's what i really needed, is not sitting well with me. I legitimately dropped everything and started over. I'll be damned if i go back, and i don't plan on it, but i guess it's all catching up with me. I like it out here a lot. I love living with jerry, and hanging out with everyone around here, but a part of me is still in northampton.

i miss jonny. not the jonny i know now, who is an asshole like graham, but the jonny i used to be best friends with. the jonny i used to drive 2 hours to hang out with. the jonny i could talk to. i hate when shit like that happens. i don't think he understands how he changed. i remember him saying something like "I hope you're not trading me in for a new toy" but its no longer fun to hang out with someone when they all they do is constantly make fun of you, and put you down. Its so fucking tiring. the fact that it all just changed so suddenly, i don't know. i can't get over it just yet. i miss my best friend.

i think the fact that im lacking nicotine, i'm broke, and very tired has an affect on my mood, but i'm just so bummed right now, and i hate it. i don't like being upset. i wish i had someone to talk to.